Room 3561

Good morning from room 3561 at Abbott.  Mom is sleeping. I am watching her sleep. It makes me think of all of the hours she's watched me sleep. As a baby, a sick toddler, tired teenager, new mom, after my surgeries last summer.  The roles are reversed right now. I am okay with that. It's how things are and should be for today. 

She's having a hard time getting strength to walk. And not getting faint and dizzy. Same thing as I have after surgeries.  Guess we are that much alike. 

I'm having moments of tears today which I did not have yesterday.  Sometimes I think she's just healing from surgery then I remember what we have ahead and I cry. This isn't just a surgery. They found cancer.  It's more complicated. There is wig shopping to do, spring flowers to plant at the cabin for her, meals to coordinate, hats to buy....and then there is the fact that I live 3.5 hours away and have a busy life there.  Talk about feeling torn. 

Scott has been great. He tells me to stay as long as I'm needed here. But reminds me too of how much I'm needed at home. How things don't run the same without Mom home.  Max got on FaceTime today and told me he loved me and misses me.  Ugh. Through my heart. 

I will remain here until Tuesday. Mom probably won't get home until tomorrow or Sunday. Easter baskets will be watched on FaceTime. I know I'll cry. 

I'll need to come back here soon. To do the stuff only daughters can do with their Mama's.  I'm privileged to do so. I'm trusting in Gods healing power. I'm trusting the Dr when he says this is curable. I'm about to purchase teal clothes for the first time in my life. 

I love my mama....I love being a mama.