The Things You Find

The Things You Find...

when you clean it off and out after a crazy summer...and spring..and winter...

• a graduation card addressed, stamped and never sent
• a reimbursement check from the dental insurance people for $310
• a bill that never got paid in August (yikes)
• 8 pairs of scissors, probably didn't need to buy them for school supplies
• nail clippers that were lost all summer (3 pairs)
• a bday card from last December signed by your now-in-heaven-Grandma saying "I hope you know how very much you are loved"
• several started grocery lists
• several "IOU" notes from a certain 12 year old who always has cash that I borrow
• 6 pads of paper that you may or may not have been missing
• a phone case that never got returned and is now yours forever
• an envelope of stuff that belongs in your safety deposit box but is currently housed in your cabinet for safe keeping in a ziplock
• several cute barrettes and bazillion hair clips of mine
• 2 filled trash bags, several binders and file folders labeled, pens reorganized

Yep...I try SO hard to be organized BUT life happens.  There is so much truth to
EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE...A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING

Where are my bonbons?

SO it is day 2 with all of our boys in school and I have accomplished little today it seems.  I ended up at school until 9:15 between following the boys to school, so that I could drop Max off and get him settled and find him a Kindergarten tee to match the other kids, since he was a late add they didn't have one...then chatting with a Mom in the hallway and shedding tears together.  I had JUST walked in the door and my oldest had forgotten something at home...so I turned around and went back out the door to drop that off for him.  Ended up in a yearbook meeting with a teacher and the secretary there.  Home finally about 10:20.

Came home to attempt to find my kitchen island, and desk.  Worked on a lot of Twig and Daisy Appointments to set up...threw laundry in and then voila it was 12:30 and Tommy was home for lunch and WITH boxes and boxes of yearbooks.  YEAH...that was fun to get to see those.  I cannot wait to pass them out at school next week.

Helped a sweet friend of Tommy's chose her clothes for senior photos which are Saturday for her...Max got home and is now off to a little golf clinic...

It is now 4:04 and I still haven't showered or changed from my sweats.  I am wondering where are the bonbons?  Where is it that I stay home and relax, watch soap operas and eat bonbons on the sofa?  Hmmm...maybe I will find that in about 13 more years?

The First-First Day and the Last-First Day

Today was the last-first day of school for Tommy....and it was the first-first day for Max.  Sigh....it has been an emotional morning for this Mama.  Don't get me wrong I have great peace about the boys all being together at school.  BUT it doesn't come without a lot of tears.

Let me start with my oldest...Tommy.  A Senior in high school.  This kid has gotten choked up himself every single year of school on the first day.  He is always nervous, always a little tentative..not today.  Today was the first time Tommy has ever walked into school on a first day calm as can be.  The very FIRST and that alone made me sad and happy.  He is growing his wings, he is so ready to fly from this nest.  He is a senior in high school.  5 classes a day.  Home by 1 every day.  He is beyond thrilled.  As a Mom this is what we pray for...and he even allowed me a kiss on his cheek as he walked away from me in front of school.  Sigh, on my tip toes of course.

Then there is Drew...a true middle-child.  He is calm, cool, collected and not worried about a thing.  He is a sophomore and knows his teachers and what to expect.   He is determined to have another great year.  He loves football season, fall, and he even loves school.

And Jack...who is a middle-child and yet my baby too.  There was a long time where we thought he was our forever baby, where I walked him into Kindergarten and cried all day thinking this was it.  He loves school too.  He is SO beyond excited for junior high.  The other end of the building.  His own lockers, switching classes...no recess.  He is ready for it all.  He was so done with elementary.

Then there is my baby, Max.  He was so excited this morning.  He climbed into our bed around 5 am and loudly said "snuggle me Mama" and with tears in my eyes I snuggled him, I prayed over him for nearly 2 hours.  Oh what a privilege it is to be his Mama.  Kindergarten came so fast in so many ways.  But yet there have been long days...but short years.  It is probably best I haven't had all summer to ponder him not being home with me part of the day, it's probably best full day kindergarten has been a last minute change for my heart.   He was so excited today, nervous when it actually came time to stay in the class with so many questions.  But he will do great...I will be okay.  3:20 cannot come fast enough for me today.  But I know my days will be full at home too.

It's a new chapter for all of us.  God is good and I LOVE knowing our boys are all together.  That makes my heart smile.  I took a few pictures this morning.  :)  The ones of just Tommy and Max were ones the school office requested for their social media site of a senior and kindergartner.

getting a little nervous while waiting for the elementary doors to open

The first day

As I was looking through my files to pull up this photo of Jack's "meet the teacher day" with the same teacher Max has...I was reminded of how hard that day was for me.  How hard it was for Tommy and Drew.  It was the first day of school at Des Moines Christian.  Tommy was sobbing...I was sobbing.  I was so torn whether this was the right decision or not.

And I can honestly look back and say God provided.  He provided what we needed that day and it has been a wonderful place for our boys to grow in their faith and in their learning.  The boys have LOVED their school.  They have been prayed for by their teachers and staff.  They have blossomed into the young men they are today...

 First day of Kindergarten for Jack

 3rd grade for Drew...his good friend Antonia is in the blue

 And sweet, sad Tommy.  Ugh this ripped my heart out.

And now to this....God has provided and will continue. Feeling blessed and grateful and maybe even a little bit nostalgic and sad.  

The days are long but the years are fast.

Senior & Kindergarten Sandwich

So....we have been planning on sending Max to half day Kindergarten for over a year now.  The preschool he went to has an amazing Kindergarten program and teacher and small class sizes.  Most days I have been excited about that for him, and for me, to have one more year of mornings together and a little bit slower pace for both of us.  The more I have thought about it the more I worried the slower pace was more for me, than him.  But I brushed that aside and kept going on...

Yesterday at the welcome back breakfast for staff at school, I went as the yearbook adviser...the Superintendent spoke.  He stirred my heart some...well God probably stirred it but the words came from Mr. Vos.  "Many Minds, One Mission", "Community", the mission statement...repeating that over and over....

I happened to sit "near" Jack's kindergarten teacher at the breakfast, and as always she asked about Jack.  Checked in on him and if he was excited for 7th grade...there is a connection that he has made with her, that our family has that touched my heart.  She told me she had been praying for my Mom, as did most others I spoke with...that's something unique about a christian school. 

We have been pondering about what to do next year for Max, do we do DMC do we do public school for him?  How will all of the finances work with 3 in school here and Tommy in college.  Can we do it?  What do we need to prioritize?  Half day Kindergarten felt like a safe way to have time to determine those answers.

But then I was "stirred yesterday"...and this morning still.  I was emotional, shocking I know...meet the teacher day is today at DMC were we making the right decision.  Max is SO busy at home and gets SO bored so easily.  But what was the answer...I emailed and chatted with my Mom.  What is it about Mom's that they always say what you need to hear?  She asked me questions that made me think.  She asked if the money difference wasn't there what would we do?  She asked where my heart felt he should be?  She told me to trust my heart.  To take it a day at a time.  To take a leap of faith.  She knows my heart.  She knows how much I want our boys to all be together for this one year.  But my heart has been set on half day for so long, can I let him go?  Should I feel guilty for feeling like all day may be best for both him, and me, this season of life?  Scott told me he trusted my Mom instincts and to do what I thought was best.  He is a wise man and knows that

Then a friend asked me if I had asked Max yet. Nope I hadn't.  So I did....he was all for DMC.  To see his brothers, to be at the school he is so familiar with, to have PE and recess and lunch....

So we went to Meet the Teacher day and popped our head into his "would be" classroom with our favorite Mrs. Johnston and he was sold, as was I...I felt such a peace about it all when I walked into the school.  A joy that all of our boys will be in the same " nest" all day together...it's special.  A senior and a kindergarten sandwich I call it...with a 7th and 10th grader in the middle. 

He was not happy about a picture today...to him he was done deciding and ready to move on. 

Now it is time to get school supplies and stop the tears...

So grateful for my Mom today, and for her hearing my heart. 

Jack's Style

So Jack has some serious style.  He has his own style and doesn't care at all what anyone else thinks of it.

This is what he came downstairs in this morning....for real.

Love that boy....

Time flies

When I saw the picture from yesterday...it reminded me of one of my all time favorites of Max from when he was a baby.  Scott and I flew to Austin, TX for a work trip he had and my sweet friend and photography mentor Mariah lived there at the time...she snapped the top photo of Max.    He has grown up so much but still looks so much the same.

Oh how we love him...and wow does he ever have his Daddy's bright blue eyes...

First Tooth for Max

Our baby lost his first tooth this week, it came out on Monday night while I was at a photo session and he was home with Daddy.  He was scared and concerned but did great with it all.  That's a lot of new and different all at once.  We didn't know it was loose until Sunday on the drive home from the cabin, he ate some beef jerky and said it hurt his tooth, I felt it and sure enough...it was loose.  

The tooth fairy came and left her normal $.25 cents per year (5 quarters this time) AND a $5 bill as a bonus for his very first tooth and being so brave.

I tried to capture some photos of him a few minutes ago, and nope he is NOT into wearing shirts right now....so so cute. I am including ALL of them because it shows the cuteness and the challenge of trying to capture a bottom tooth gap from a 5 year old.  Oh how we LOVE this boy!

When Mom and Cancer Meet

Well, we got the call we have been hoping never would come again...last Tuesday, Mom's cancer is officially back.  The little spots on her liver that we have been watching, scanning, trying to biopsy are looking more and more like cancer.  Her numbers have been increasing for several months and as much as we hoped that her numbers were just "off" and she had arthritis making the numbers off, or she was just "one of those" off number results....nope.  ALL of the silver linings we were looking for...all of the google research results showing that negative positive results happen all of the time...yep.  Not happening.  This is REAL, we cannot keep coming up with excuses as to the "why" the numbers weren't where they should be.  Reality is...her cancer has come back in a tiny and small way.

We are continuing to choose joy.  Continuing to choose positive thinking...continuing to trust God as the mighty healer.  But we continue to have to enter back into the chemo world, the treatment world.  A proactive place where we choose to put on fighting gloves and to use modern medicine to kill cancer cells.  

Tuesday was HARD, hard to look at my Mom who feels well and looks amazing and know that inside of her body cancer lives.  It stinks to be real honest.  NONE of us ever wanted her to have to go down this path again.  But the truth is with Ovarian Cancer, this is common.  There are remissions and then little cells pop up and you treat them...then you enjoy another remission.  It's not all sunny days and roses forever and ever down a golden path.  It is work, it is monitoring things, it is catching things when they creep in before they become BIG things.  This I am learning.  

Yesterday chemo began, the first of 6 treatments over 6 months.  Not the 18 we did before, not the 3 every 21 days...but still 6.  We still had to listen to the nurse read through the pages of possible side affects, the risks, the worst case scenarios before you sign the paperwork.  That part makes me want to throw up.  I actually stopped the nurse part way and told her she sounded like one of those depressing commercials where you hear nothing but the BAD in the medicines and the risks.  She smiled a little...I wanted her to realize that while this may be every day reading for her, it's hard for others to sit and listen to and I wished she did it with a little bit more compassion.  I wanted to say "THIS IS MY MOM YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, MY PRECIOUS MOM..." but I refrained from it.  We enjoyed our time chatting and just being together.  I treasure it all with my parents.  Time alone, chemo chair or at the cabin.  I love it, I love them and I love it when I get them all to myself.  

I will never say this stuff is easy, it isn't.  But I also am often reminded by the fact that I know God has a plan, and I know that we are learning through this and being shaped and molded.  Team Mary Lou is strong and we have so many who pray and love us.  Priorities become more clear to me...and that is always a good thing.  My heart is grateful.  

Remember this...

September has been called the "other January" because like January, it's often the start of routine and rhythm after a season of time off and family. Kids go back to school, conference season gears up, deadlines loom. We're feeling it here, as we map out our fall calendar. I had the distinct feeling, in our planning meeting, of walking on a treadmill as it grows incrementally faster, faster, faster. What if I decided, right now, before the "other January" presents its deadlines and routines, to simply step off of the treadmill? The deadlines still await, the work still needs doing. But Jesus invited us to come to Him when we are weary, that He may give us rest. He promised a light burden. What if instead of expecting things to be heavy and hard and exhausting, I truly expected Him to be there at every turn, offering rest and peace? What if I believed getting a lot done didn't have to be stressful, that hard work and full schedules could coexist with peace and rest? Whatever this day and week and September hold, His offer is the same. - Jacey Grace + Peace, The Naptime Diaries Team