I debated whether or not to write this…but here I am writing it to hold myself accountable. As a journal for myself to read and re read. I have 50 lbs to lose. Well I had 50, now I have 39. Weight is a battle for me, sadly it has been for the past 13 years. I never had to think about it as a teenager, and even in college, for the most part I stayed within the same weight give or take 10 lbs. But I have been here before…and again…and I don't want to be any longer.
Here is the biggest problem for me…SUGAR. I love sugar. Sugar is my Cocaine. I really am not kidding. Gratefully it's not alcohol, or cocaine as I would have bigger issues than the size of my jeans. I am a sugar addict. When I go off of sugar, after 2 weeks…I don't miss it. I know that. I really do. But if I have sugar, I want more. If I have one Oreo, I have 6 or 10. If I have one piece of cake I have 4. If I have one warm chocolate chip cookie I want 5 or 10. And so on…. It's real. It sounds silly, but it's HARD. I don't drink pop, I don't drink coffee…I don't drink wine, or beer…but put some sweet thing in front of me and BOOM…I am weak.
I want my body to be healthy. I want to live as a long as I possibly can, I want to see my boys grow up, my grandchildren and I need to eat healthier to ensure that. YES I need to exercise too, but eating is 80% of health and I have NOT been doing a good job of it. IF I could live off of sugar, pasta and bread I would. But I cannot.
I want to honor God in how I eat. This body is the temple He lives in, that He has given to me and I want to fuel it well. I don't want to be a "Food Glutton"…if that's even a word or phrase? I want to set an example for our boys.
Selfishly I want to feel like I look good, I want to like my body again. I want to be strong, athletic and healthy. I don't want to feel like I have to hide my body day after day after day. I don't want to have to shop for clothes that hide me. I want that weight off my body and my mind. I know some of you relate. It brings me to tears to be honest. I don't want to cry when I look in the mirror. I know God doesn't want that for me either.
I have been here before, I have lost the weight AND I have gained it back. I am tired of this…so very tired. It's just time to change for me. It's time to love me enough to push through the hard and make a change.
I really would appreciate your prayers…this isn't easy. Food seriously has this stronghold on me, and I really want it to be gone. Some of you have never had to worry about weight, but I know I am not alone. It's hard. I am praying a lot and need all the prayers I can get while I change my mindset, I cannot do it without God's help. I am sure of that.
Here is the biggest problem for me…SUGAR. I love sugar. Sugar is my Cocaine. I really am not kidding. Gratefully it's not alcohol, or cocaine as I would have bigger issues than the size of my jeans. I am a sugar addict. When I go off of sugar, after 2 weeks…I don't miss it. I know that. I really do. But if I have sugar, I want more. If I have one Oreo, I have 6 or 10. If I have one piece of cake I have 4. If I have one warm chocolate chip cookie I want 5 or 10. And so on…. It's real. It sounds silly, but it's HARD. I don't drink pop, I don't drink coffee…I don't drink wine, or beer…but put some sweet thing in front of me and BOOM…I am weak.
I want my body to be healthy. I want to live as a long as I possibly can, I want to see my boys grow up, my grandchildren and I need to eat healthier to ensure that. YES I need to exercise too, but eating is 80% of health and I have NOT been doing a good job of it. IF I could live off of sugar, pasta and bread I would. But I cannot.
I want to honor God in how I eat. This body is the temple He lives in, that He has given to me and I want to fuel it well. I don't want to be a "Food Glutton"…if that's even a word or phrase? I want to set an example for our boys.
Selfishly I want to feel like I look good, I want to like my body again. I want to be strong, athletic and healthy. I don't want to feel like I have to hide my body day after day after day. I don't want to have to shop for clothes that hide me. I want that weight off my body and my mind. I know some of you relate. It brings me to tears to be honest. I don't want to cry when I look in the mirror. I know God doesn't want that for me either.
I have been here before, I have lost the weight AND I have gained it back. I am tired of this…so very tired. It's just time to change for me. It's time to love me enough to push through the hard and make a change.
I really would appreciate your prayers…this isn't easy. Food seriously has this stronghold on me, and I really want it to be gone. Some of you have never had to worry about weight, but I know I am not alone. It's hard. I am praying a lot and need all the prayers I can get while I change my mindset, I cannot do it without God's help. I am sure of that.
We all have our struggles and change is so very hard! But as you said, with God's help us mamas always busy taking care of others CAN make big changes for ourselves. You can do this!!!
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you! I so wish I were still there so we could work out together :(
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I've always thought you are beautiful!!! I've caught myself thinking, she always looks so cute, on multiple occasions! Let me know how else I can hold you accountable.