Keeping It Real: Anxiety Edition

Keeping it real today at the Shisler house…

This time of year is HARD.  It is so fun, but it is also stressful.  I tend to have the most stressful days in November, December and May.  Every SINGLE year.  I know this.  It is a fact.  

In keeping it real today I will share with you about several Thanksgivings ago….it may have been 6 or 7 years ago now.  We were in Ohio for Thanksgiving, and as we were packing up to head home I felt like I couldn't breathe.  The looming car drive with 3 young boys…the list ahead of Christmas "stuff" to get done..knowing Scott would be gone for a full week in December to Chicago….it was a LOT.  I tried to sleep it off in the car on the way home.  Scott was reassuring and told me to just relax.  I woke up the following morning at home, feeling worse.  In the shower I felt like I was having a heart attack.  I called Scott.  He was ready for church, I was not..  We went to the ER instead…to find out NOPE I was NOT having a heart attack I was suffering from a panic attack.  It was REAL.  I couldn't breathe.  My Mom was quick to come down the next day to help me get caught up on the house/mom stuff.  The task of sorting socks overwhelmed me at that point.  And we had a very simple Christmas that year, not a lot of decorations…I ordered most things online.  And I learned the value in NOT trying to be SuperMom and SuperWife.  

To be honest…I still have my days.  Anxiety isn't something that just disappears.  You learn how to manage it.  To be honest I think I probably struggled with it for longer than I knew, but just didn't have a name for it.    But for me, anxiety is real.  I have medicine I can take to help, I have learned to rely on "praying it away" and often do just that…I just COUNT on God to make it go away.  It's not fun, it's not easy and to be honest it isn't on my list of things to share with others.  But I want to be real.  And I want our boys to know that it's okay to have struggles with things.  They all know about this part of me, they understand there are days that are hard for me.  I am married to a man who loves me…even the not so pretty sides of me.  

So December is hard…as much as I LOVE it…it's a lot.  And every year I have to go into it and focus on the meaning of Christmas and not the "to do list".  So when my friend Makila sent this to me today…it made my eyes fill with tears.  

It's okay to not do it ALL…it's okay to pick and choose.  It's MOST important that I be here fully for our boys.

enjoy these words below…I think they are for more than just Mom's of "Littles"

hugs to you friends….

Dear Young Mama Of Tiny People,

I hear you  in the bathroom, locked behind the door and trying to unwrap a piece of chocolate with shaky fingers. I see you on Instagram, admitting where you failed and showing us your sad eyes and the crumbs in your hair. I read your Facebook status, the one where you can’t figure out how to get everything done with the little people under foot.

Oh, honey. I hear ya.

If you had time, I’d pet your hair and ply you with coffee and speak in soothing tones. But you’re short on time these days and I know those holidays are looming large on your calendar. You’ve got lists a mile long of obligations and cute things you pinned on Pinterest to do for your tiny people.

And that’s really sweet of you. You’re a good mama who is anxious to make good memories for her people and to celebrate with her loved ones. Well done, you!

But lemme put it to you straight:  Do. Less. Stuff.

Lower your expectations for what is humanly possible in one day. Now think about how many toddlers you have and lower them again.

You have all the reasons in the world (imagine me pointing to those sticky little fingers that even now are exploring your nose while you read) to say “no” right now, even to yourself when you want to do something fun. If it makes you yell, it’s a No. Every time. Gotta take food to X place and know that you will end up screaming while you cook? “No, I can’t right now. We will swing by and pick up a bucket of chicken.”

If baking cookies and watching your kids sling sprinkles all over the kitchen is going to make you yell today? Then no. Don’t do it. Always choose the relationship with your kids over the Advent activity that makes you scream. Always choose the Simple over the Pinnable.

Listen, the only person who expects you to accomplish All The Things on that list? Is you. You must extend to yourself the grace that others are already extending in your direction.

You can apologize for showing up with the grocery store cupcakes if you want, but you don’t have to say you’re sorry for choosing your kids and your sanity over perfectly piped buttercream icing. You know what? The lady at the bakery can pipe buttercream beautifully, too, but she can’t read Thomas the Train with the proper voices like you can. Everybody at the party knows that. So apologize if you want. But you don’t have to say you’re sorry for choosing wisely.

Look me in the face at my serious eyes: This is not your season to do all the things, some of the things, or most of the things. It is your season to do A Thing. I tell you that not to be a downer but to let you know that you will slay the crazies in your mind and the guilt that you feel when you flip your lid if you will pick ONE thing per morning. ONE thing for the afternoon. And rejoice if everyone is still alive at the end of the day.

Ready for some good news? Your small people who make everything hard? Because God is a gracious God to us tired mamas, they won’t remember this. They won’t remember that you yelled yesterday. They also won’t remember the Elf on the Shelf or the terrifying visit to Santa’s lap from your list of Fun Things To Accomplish. Nope. They’re just going to remember a warm, fuzzy, maybe slightly squishy version of Mama. They’re going to remember you were THERE. 

So put up some lights, because those are magically soothing to young babes, and cross everything else off your list. Say NO to more this season. Your family traditions and “making memories” can wait another year, until that toddler is out of diapers or the baby quits nursing every half hour. This holiday? This season?

Just be. Be warm, be fuzzy, be slightly squishy. Be in the moment, be on the couch sniffing the baby’s head, Be Still.

Do less stuff.