SO much of the year feels like a blur, yet there are moments that stand still in my mind too. Moments of wonder and amazement. Moments where I sat in awe of the love I have for our family. Moments of shock, when we got a call when Max was less than 2 weeks old that some of his tests showed an elevation for Cystic Fibrosis...where we had to come in for testing immediately the next day. I was in SHOCK. Moments where we got the call, that everything was fine. It had been a false positive test. THANK YOU LORD! Moments where the phone seemed to be frozen, when my Dad, and Mom, called to tell us he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Moments where my brother sent me a text, that his mother in law had just left this world for heaven. Moments where I looked out the window and watched 3 boys running in the backyard without a care in the world. Moments too, where I was amazed how much brothers could argue and fight and bring this Mama to tears. There were moments of excitement in the announcements of more babies for friends and loved ones. There were moments of despair watching several close, dear friends lose parents, some sudden and some with preparation. There was shock in finding out our dear friend Gailen had cancer at 42 years old. There was joy in the healing hand of God on my Dad's cancer and Scott's sisters cancer. Sweet moments of nursing a baby to sleep and getting the honor of holding him and loving on him.
The year was FILLED with activities and busy boys, school projects, sporting events and more sporting events. Cookies baked, meals made, dishes piled and dishes washed. Road trips to Minnesota and to Ohio, to Omaha and to Kansas City. A full year. A year of healthy well checks for all 6 of us, something I don't want to take for granted. Another year with a husband who loves me, and provides for our family. Boys who are respectful, more times than not. A church that we have connection with and that teaches truth. Parents who love me. And dear friends who pray for me and pray for our family in the good, the bad and even the ugly moments. Friends who love me just as I am.
I sit on this day always wondering what I could have done differently as a wife, Mom, daughter, sister and friend. And I always have regrets on the moments I was not who I wanted to be to those I love the very most. But that's where God's grace covers me, covers me like a blanket and holds me in His hand reassuring me I can only do my best and my best NEEDS to include Him. Him in my every day moments, Him in my not so shining moments...I know this in my heart but how easily I can forget.
I want to be who He wants me to be, and I want to please Him above all else in my actions, words, kindnesses and work. I don't want regrets, although I know they will be there. But I want to start each day with the grace I know in my heart is mine to claim. One of my favorite chapters in the bible is Proverbs 31. While it sets the bar high for what we as women ought to strive for I try to think of it as encouragement and something to work towards. This is my verse for 2011. I will start my day with prayer and strive to be more like this...
Proverbs 31:26-31
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Happy New Year to you all.
With love
Susan
