Dear Uterus,

Dear Uterus,

As I sit here this week thinking about the potential surgery ahead and the fact that we will no longer be together I have mixed feelings.  I feel the need to sort my feelings out and to those who know me well, writing letters seems to help me with that.  So I write this note to you...

People keep asking me if I am ready for this, if it is emotional for me to say goodbye to you.  While most days I say yes I am ready, there are moments where I feel attached to you for all that you have given to me.

These 4 beautiful children that were once inside of me, inside of you and me.  God gave you to me, I cannot ever repay you for your protection of them.  For the gift of never having to experience a miscarriage.  For miraculously allowing each baby boy to develop, and to be healthy.  After seeing what shape my uterus is, and how amazing it is that we were able to conceive is a miracle.  Most people with a uterus' that looks like you, have a hard time.  But God allowed it and we are SO very grateful.

I think I will always long to be pregnant.  Not that I want another baby, but I just adored that feeling of pregnancy.  I loved feeling a baby inside of me.  I loved the dreams and hopes that came with each one.  I notice pregnant women and many times get tears in my eyes, I wonder if they feel the pure joy I felt which each one of our boys.  That part of me will never change, whether you're a part of me or not.  I am learning that.  I will always hold one to those memories and cherish them.

I will not miss your cramps...that I have suffered from since I was 16 years old.   I will not miss purchasing tampons and pads...Scott will not miss purchasing these items for me.  I will not miss the terrible headaches that you brought me.  I will not miss having to suddenly wash sheets, or clothes because you let me down.    Nope I will not miss those things.  I will not miss the days where I had to just sit with my feet up...waiting for things to settle down.  (hmm well maybe I will miss that excuse)

I am grateful your friends, the Ovaries, and Ms. Cervix can stay with me.  That way I should be able to avoid any medications or feelings that are different.  I am sorry to see you go as you served me well for so many years....

But it is time to move on for both of us, the time has come.  I have peace with that.  It doesn't mean I won't be a tad bit teary on Thursday morning, but the truth is....you have given me more than I could ever thank you for....

I truly am thankful to God for allowing me to have you, and for allowing you to serve the highest purpose for my body in my mind...our children.  The gift of motherhood.

Goodbye my dear friend and thank you,

Susan Mary

Colorado

We had a wonderful trip to Colorado for Spring Break.  We left on Thursday after school...headed to North Platte, NE and spent the night there.  Everyone was up early on Friday ready to head the last 4 hours to Estes Park, CO.  It was an easy drive and fun to see the mountains from a distance and get closer and closer and closer to them.

We had some good friends recommend the YMCA of the Rockies to stay at.  It was a wonderful spot we definitely have on the list to go back to someday.   It was so affordable as well, of course it is off season which helped.  The resort is on 360 acres and we had rented a "Vacation Home"...which ended up being a 3 bedroom cabin at the top of their property with amazing views.  It was much larger than we expected and it was nice to have so much space, and the best part....a WOOD burning stone fireplace.  Oh how I miss real wood fires.  My favorite.  The property had a huge gymnasium, a pool, an arts and crafts center, a mini golf course, a Livery,  a library and so much more.  The boys loved the gym at night to shoot hoops in, the pool was a hit, the Arts and Crafts center could have kept me occupied for days...and they loved the mini golf course as well.

Friday after we arrived some of the boys went golfing...while the rest of us unpacked and bought groceries in town.  We got adjusted to the new altitude and drank a lot of water.  We had dinner downtown at a local pizza spot and settled in.

Saturday morning everyone was up early.  We decided to go explore Rocky Mountain National Park and went for a short hike to the Alluvial Fan, which is a waterfall.  In the afternoon we had lunch at a local spot called Ed's Cantina downtown on Estes Park so we could watch the Buckeye game on the big screen, our Cabin's TV was about 17 inches which the boys thought a bit small.  Then we headed back to the cabin for a nice fire and quiet.  The boys did go to the range to hit golf balls in town.

Sunday we had planned on going to the Chapel on the grounds for church but then opted to do an early morning Horseback trail ride since the weather was supposed to get cold and blustery later that day.  Tommy and Scott opted out of the horse trip and went and found delicious donuts for us all to share after the ride.  It was a beautiful ride through the mountains.  Max loved it and talked the entire hour non stop.  He also had his own ride before on Cupcake the pony.  That afternoon the Buckeyes played again and we decided to watch the game in the cabin with a roaring fire...some of us may have napped through most of the game.  It was so nice just to be in the mountains with the amazing views and the fire.  We made spaghetti and snuggled in.

Monday was our last full day in Estes.  We opted for another, longer hike.  The Park Ranger had told me about this hike to Gem Lake.  He said it was little bit longer than our first hike but a beautiful one.  Ummm it was a LOT longer than the first one and a LOT steeper.  My legs may still be feeling the burn 5 days later.  Max did great at the beginning and quickly wore out...of course he was also ready for a nap.  Thankfully we had out Ergo Baby Carrier along that he still loves and so he snuggled and fell asleep on my chest while I hiked.  The big boys and Scott made it to the top....Max and I did not.  Once we got to the snow and rock climbing part, I turned around with him still asleep.

Tuesday we grabbed some yummy donuts and packed it up.  Headed to Ft Collins to visit with some dear friends there.  Some golfed that afternoon, some napped at home, and some shopped.  It was a nice quiet day.  We enjoyed catching up.

Wednesday morning we had breakfast at the famous "Snooze" restaurant...at recommendation from my friend Ginnie.  It didn't disappoint.  From there we headed home, 9 hours later...a few arguments, several snacks and a few naps later we were home.

It was a fun trip with great memories...

Max taking photos off of Tommy's iphone :)

 Hiking at the Alluvial Fan In Rocky Mt. National Park

 Hitching a ride with Daddy...

 Yes they climbed to the very top, this doesn't show how far away and how high they really are...

So blessed to be their Momma...so blessed

 19 years of my life with this man, love him

 Hiking back down...

 The pony Cupcake...on the Minnie Mouse Trail

 After the trail ride, Drew loved it.

 Hiking again...of course the OHIO on the top

 Asleep on the hike

 Saying goodbye to our cabin...

 The view from our porch

 YMCA....or is it OHIO?

The view from the lodge....our last morning 

Pitter Patter

So...I follow this blog Pitter Patter Art....and she has made a couple of tees for Max before....she is selling canvases and I thought I loved one I had seen earlier....then I saw this...

Sigh...

It says Susan all over it doesn't it???  And...our anniversary IS coming up?  And....I am having surgery this week....and.....and....and...

sigh

Oh no

Oh no the Spring Cleaning bug has hit me...and I have surgery in less than a week.  Oh my I hope I can clean and organize while healing.  The sun is shining and it feels like spring if I stay inside and don't open the door to feel the cold.  I want the winter stuff put away, and spring out.  I want an organized pantry, closets, baskets, bins...

watch OUT!

Do you think it's appropriate to tell my friends I don't want meals while I am down I just want them to come and organize something for me?  

Rocky Mountain High

Do you remember the old John Denver song?  Rocky Mountain High?  I have had it in my mind for the past week.  We are home from our Colorado adventures.  We had a great time.

But now I am buried in laundry, and unpacking and re organizing, and a 3 year old who has decided the word "NEVER" is his new favorite thing to say when asked to do something...anything.  We are back to potty training as we had pull ups on so much of our trip due to long car rides, hiking, horseback riding...just too much unknown to trust the underwear.  So back to that today too...

My Rocky Mountain high has turned into Re-Entry mode...

I will be back...with pictures and stories....

once I can get out from under the laundry.....

Estes Park, Colorado

Tomorrow afternoon we are heading to Estes Park, CO for our Spring Break.  We will be there a short time as Scott needs to be back in St Louis next Thursday.  But it will be a fun get away regardless.  

We are staying at the YMCA of the Rockies, our friends the Ericksons recommended it.  It is a camp run by the YMCA.  We have rented a cabin in the mountains.  We are excited for the adventure.  Packing is proving to be a bit tricky, packing for snow and possibly skiing, and then golf stuff for those that want to golf.  It's odd that Colorado weather allows both of those things at the same time of year.  

It will be a fun adventure.  We haven't been to Colorado since Jack was 1 year old.  And the big boys don't remember much of it either.  So we wanted to visit a part of the country that was different to them.  

I love Colorado, it's such a beautiful place.  

Looking forward to getting away and time together....praying that the car ride and the "togetherness" proves to be a blessing and doesn't bring about the Crabby Mom in me.  Feel free to say some prayers for a peaceful and fun time together. 

Maybe by the time we get back to Iowa the snow will ALL have melted.  :)

25 Year later....

25 Years Ago my big brother Mike was on the State Championship Hockey team.  It was So much fun.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was SO proud of my brother and SO proud to be his baby sister.  I remember thinking it was the coolest thing EVER.  

Mike is number 2 and in several of the clips.  He played defense.  His best buddy Bertram is the goalie. And several of my classmates are also on the team.  That's the joy of being one year apart in age.  We shared SO much of high school together.  

I googled 1988 Hockey Championship and found 2 clips on You Tube how much fun is that?

Today his old team is playing a scrimmage with each other.  They even had throw back jerseys made.  I really wish I could be there to watch them.  

Days like these I don't like living so far away. 

Tonight Edina is back in the Championship Game.  I am hoping to be able to find it on the computer to watch.  

Go Hornets!

Insta Friday

So this week the photos uploaded backwards...so we will start with Wednesday and go back...because I am NOT in the mood to do it otherwise.  how is that for my reason.  :)

 Our favorite Buckeyes won a tough game on Tuesday night, this is how our boys dress on regular days.  I think we have enough Buckeye apparel to clothe the school. Snapped these before school on Tuesday morning.  Is there any wonder what team we love?

 Max got a Mickey coloring book from a friend of mine on Monday...he loved using it.  He LOVES Mickey and friends.

 Some how some of my friends think our house is always spotless.  That's far from the truth and I took a couple of photos for them the other day just to prove it.  :)  

 I did however get the sunroom/playroom cleaned up by the end of Monday.  And snapped it to enjoy it being clean for an hour.

 Sigh, Tommy has his school permit now.  He could drive to school on his own now.  HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE...but here is the proof.  We got it Monday after school.

 This is hard to read but near and dear to my heart.  "Judging a child who has special needs does NOT define who THEY are, it defines who YOU are."  Oh my I love this.  My heart has always been with those who have special needs, children AND adults.  Just how I am wired.  There is NOTHING that bothers me more than unkind people to those who have those needs, or inappropriate words and speaking towards them.  NOTHING.  IF you want to see me SNAP, this is one thing I have ZERO tolerance for.  Z E R O.

Sunday morning I stayed home from church, not feeling great.  Max stayed with me.  We snuggled in bed and on the sofa.  We snapped some photos while we were at it.  

It's been a pretty low key week around here.  Scott has been in St Louis the past 2 days.  We have been home doing the school, church, baseball and basketball thing.  Jack is done with basketball this weekend.  Tommy and Drew both have indoor baseball practices already.  

The Tampon Trees

Oh my I KNOW some of you read that title and are about FREAKING out, I KNOW if my big brother Mike ever read my blog he would not only FREAK out and turn red but he would also laugh knowing what this is about.

Let me rewind back to the last day of school of 8th grade.  I was a later bloomer than most of my friends...my period came for the very first time the LAST day of school in the 8th grade.  I was MORE than prepared thanks to ALL of my friends already having gone through it and the stack of books my Mom quietly laid at the end of my bed.  Telling me if I had any questions I could ask her.  (times have changed a bit in the sense of chatter about "girl" and "boy" stuff I am afraid)

At dinner that night my Dad brought home flowers for me...with tears in his eyes he gave them to me telling me that he was so proud of me, and that I was officially a young woman now.  I thought it was so sweet.  When the topic came up at dinner my brother Mike, didn't think so.  I vividly remember my Dad saying this "today is a big day, Susan is now a young woman" and my brother looking across the table at me about ready to DIE.  Mike telling my Dad, that was enough we were eating dinner.  :)  So funny now that I look back.

Here is where the tampon trees come in....you see I LOVED to tease Mike about tampons, pads and all things girly.  He hated it, and I loved it.  When we were in High school Mike got a Nintendo game system for his birthday and in one of the levels...the trees are everywhere and look just like the shape of tampons.  I called the the Tampon Trees.  He hated that and couldn't wait to blow through that level just so he could quit thinking about it.  It was SO funny to me.

The summer before my freshman year at Luther I went to Target for my pre college shopping trip, think I brought 10 boxes of tampons to college.  NO JOKE.  My friends STILL tease me about it, like there was going to be a tampon shortage in Decorah?  I think I just wanted my parents to foot the tampon bill vs my hard earned summer money paying for them to be real honest.  (truth be told I ran out of that money by Christmas anyhow right Dad?)

You wonder where this is all going now I am sure....well I have been having talks with Tommy and Drew lately about girl stuff, and periods and yes even tampons.  They don't LOVE the conversations but I know their wives will thank me some day.  And Jack, well I need to rewind a bit farther and explain some other stuff to him before I can share the Tampon Trees with him.

Why is this all necessary you ask...that is if you are still reading and not mortified yet that I am blogging this topic.  Well my body has been really struggling since Max was born with periods...you may know and you may not, but when he was born I lost a lot of blood, had to have 2 blood transfusions and was in the hospital for 5 days.  My uterus has HAD it, and it has let me know that more and more and more.     I always had difficult periods, cramps, you name it, I had it...and it has only gotten worse. So the time has come for me to have a hysterectomy.  It is something my OB has wanted me to do for some time.  We have tried SO many other ways to get things under control and they aren't working.  So at the end of this month, I will be having surgery....and I am sure all will be well.  Scott and I are both at peace with this decision and feel it's best for my body.

But...although I will NEVER miss tampons, I will always LAUGH and remember the Tampon Trees that still exist in the Old Super Mario games...

"Grill"

So our sweet littlest guy Max has says some of the cutest things....

One of my personal favorites is that he calls "girls"..."grills".

Yesterday he spent the day with my friend Ruth, he spends many Mondays with her.  They made necklaces, and this is the one he made me.

So sweet, he was SO proud to tell me the following...

Max:  "Mommy I made this pretty for you.  It has footballs, and baseballs and I like white and your like Pink, cause you're a grill.  Grills like pink"

It's hard to tell in this picture...but the pink bead is on the left next to a white bead and in-between 2 footballs.  

Homemade gifts are the BEST.  

The Box

So I had a little time on Saturday alone with Drew, shopping for track stuff.  This was our conversation in the car...

Me: Ugh I forgot to bring the golf shirt I got Dad for his birthday.  I need to return it.  (it was sort of a hot pink/coral color)

Drew: I knew he wouldn't like that shirt.

Me: Well it's okay.  I was just trying to get him a little bit out of his box.

Drew: Why?  He likes his box just like I like mine.

Me:  Sometimes it's okay to get out of your box or maybe just peak out of your box a little bit Drew.

Drew: What would be the point of that?

Sigh...like father like son.   Love them both

Insta Friday

 Welcome to Insta Friday actually ON Friday.  :)  (although I am writing it on Thursday lol)

 Took pictures of this sweet baby and his siblings....Drew, Jack and I fought over who got to hold him. 

 "bow and arrow" practice Mommy.

 HUGE snow storm that was supposed to hit us last Thursday and Friday.  I even let Tommy and Drew each have friends sleepover counting on it being BAD.  Then Thursday night about 9 it was NOT bad, I told the boys they had better get their homework done.  :)  

 Close up of Daddy's Birthday cake Max decorated last week ALL BY HIMSELF.

 Last week I went to get my nails done, Max was along...and guess what looked like fun to him?  Paint on HIS nails.  His brothers weren't thrilled with me.  His Daddy just laughed, he didn't mind at all.  Max thought they were cool.

 Lunch date with this boy on his day off of school on Friday last week.

 Scott's friends had this made for a meeting he was at on the morning of his birthday.

 Yep LOVE our thin mints....

 Friday night we had these kids over for dinner, some of our favorites.  The Veurink family.  Still miss their Dad and our friend being here on earth.  

 Someone is quite independent with his shoes...and everything else.  

 Sadly we went to a funeral on Saturday for a college friends wife, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor and died later that week.  On the way there in the car I realized...I still had on the Doc McStuffins bandaid from my morning Check Up with Dr Max.  :)

 The above 2 thoughts, captured my heart on Pinterest.

 Sort of funny.....sort of not.  Edina continues with the "reputation"

 Sweet napping boy whom we love..

 Drew is the one in focus, his choir at school had a concert on Monday night with several other schools in the area.  He looked SO handsome in his tie.  Wish I would have taken a picture of him with it, before he took it off.  NOT a fan of black shirts, but STILL love a boy in a tie.  

During Drew's concert...Max played games and Tommy watched patiently with his friend Keaton.

 Still potty training, less bribes...but they still exist.  These were one sale this week, buy one get one 50% off so we stocked up.

 A surprise Snow storm blew through here on Tuesday, the boys had an early out.  We LOVE snow in this house.  LOVE it...so pretty.

The day of the storm I had offered to watch my friend Erin's baby boy....it was her birthday and they were going out for dinner.  I asked her when I dropped her boys off from the early out at school, if we could by chance take him then?  She decided YES we could.  So we had the privilege of having him here all afternoon and evening.  We fought over who got to hold him, feed him, keep him awake.  He is precious and we are all in love with him.  Drew kept telling me "Mom I really just love him".  Raising some future Dad's around here.

When did I get old enough to have a son that can drive to school?  We are in the car shopping mode.  In Iowa you can drive to school at 14 1/2 Years old  actually.  Tommy is 15 but just took drivers ed this summer so couldn't have driven until December.  But really?  Filling paperwork out.  With golf and baseball coming up, it sure would be a blessing for him to get back and forth on his own.  Then in July he will have his full license.  They grow up fast, DON"T BLINK

 

 My parents went to the Gopher/Indiana game on Tuesday night.  See them there in the crown, in focus.  It was fun to watch them on ESPN.  My Mom cheering?  She was paying attention.  :)  cute

 Well Tommy has been asking for a Twitter account.  And yesterday I signed on to see what it was all about.  When I put in various family members names sometimes things came up, sometimes not.  A LOT came up for my Dad.  Which made me chuckle.  Even though most was a couple of years old.  Dad you're on Twitter, did you know that??

Max took this ariel view of his Skylanders yesterday.  These are the potty training rewards.  Yes Tommy reminds me often, when he was potty trained he got and M & M's...Max gets actual toys.  Life isn't fair, true.  But you have a Twitter now so I think you should be happy. :)

Happy weekend.  All 3 boys have social plans tonight, we don't.  Think this is the new norm around here the past few weekends.  Hmmmm....