"Don't come home with a baby"

So before we left for Costa Rica, my dear husband and my son Jack, asked me if I was going to bring a baby home with me.  Scott actually asked me not to....think he knows how overwhelmed my days are right now.  In Jack's letter to me that I received while in Costa Rica he specifically asked my how the babies were.  Knowing, or thinking I should say, that I would be yearning to bring home a baby.  I honestly think Scott's biggest concern with this trip, was that I would come home wanting another baby.

Here is the weird thing, I didn't want to bring home a baby.  But what I wanted to bring home was another teenage son.  If I could have packed Maykol (14) into my suitcase I would have, perhaps that wouldn't have gone over well when I landed back home...but I felt connected to him.  I wanted him to have a Mom.  I wanted him to have brothers.  I wanted him to be able to play soccer on grass, on a team.  I wanted him to go to school.  I wanted him to laugh and have pizza, and eat cookie dough, and go fishing, and be tucked in at night. I wanted him to have hugs and kisses, to know unconditional love, I wanted him to have Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, to celebrate Christmas, to go to a Homecoming dance, to pick out a new pair of shoes, to go to a Buckeye game.   If adoption from Costa Rica were as easy as packing him up, I honestly would have done that.  Nope I didn't long for a baby...I longed for a teenage boy.  sigh...my heart still aches for him every single day since we have been home.  I cannot explain it.  I dreamt of him last night, dreamt he was on an airplane coming to Des Moines.  I think of him when I see grass, and our backyard, I thought of him at church last night at our Great Pumpkin Party, what would he dress up as...or would he not?  What would he think of our youth minister, would he learn to love Jesus?  I thought of how he needs a Dad like Scott...one who is black and white.  One who is stearn, but loves our boys so so deeply ALL the time, who cries when they fail, who cries when they succeed.  I want that for Maykol.

I miss his sweet smile, his beautiful teeth, his gentle voice...I love that boy.  See what God can do in 5 days with a heart?