Journal entry by Susan Shisler — 9/1/2016
I was listening to a sermon series yesterday called "Plan B" and how God never has a Plan B. He only knows Plan A. He is never surprised by anything. He goes before us in all we do. He prepares a place for us. He has a plan and it is always his A plan.
We have had many plans in Mom's cancer journey. I think we may be at Plan J or K by now. But it's just that...those are OUR plans and not His. Not His "A" plan.
We received some devastating news today. We ended up at Mayo today as Mom's double vision has gotten worse. They did a spinal tap and the results are showing there is cancer in her spinal fluid as well as this same fluid that bathes the brain. Ugh. I cannot believe I am writing this in regards to my beautiful mom.
What does this mean? It means that the cancer is spreading. Has spread. Again. We are still praying for the miracle of immunotherapy to do something. If God wants to perform a miracle. He can.
So now what...
We will go again next week to Mayo to have another round of immunotherapy. And talk with moms main doc there too.
We cannot live these days curled up in the fetal position sobbing can we? That's what I want to do.
Here is what I am telling myself. This world is a blink of an eye. God tells us that. This world is NOT our eternal home. This is earth. Earth and this world are full of sin, sickness and yuck. Heaven is not. Eternity with Jesus is not. We need to place our focus on that. The time we are apart from Mom will not be forever. Selfishly it's too long for me. I want to have my mom by my side when I die. But. That being said. We have to focus on the forever Jesus promises us.
John 14:1-7
1“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God ; believe also in me. 2My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Jesus the Way to the Father
5Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
6Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”
I have to focus on His promise of forever. And trust that we believe in Him and have confessed with our mouths that Jesus is lord we will live forever in heaven as healed children of God. Together. Forever.
I have to believe in this. This was not our plan. And I don't understand God's plan. And I certainly think it stinks right now and it hurts. And it makes me so very angry. But I have to believe that God is using Mom's cancer story for someone who needs it. God is using our family and our faith for something bigger. Maybe it's for a loved one of ours to see gods love through us. And maybe we will never know. But He knows
I have to believe all of this and I have to believe in the power of healing and eternal life.
Every day is to be enjoyed. Every moment. Mom is so so so so very much loved. Don't get me wrong we are still praying on our knees for that miracle. That Mom will be that one miracle. And I won't stop praying this until Jesus heals her on earth or in heaven. We ask you to do the same.
Pray for mom. Pray for dad. Pray for all of us. Pray for God's peace that surpasses all our understanding. Pray for precious moments and memories. Pray for comfort in God's promised words.
We have had many plans in Mom's cancer journey. I think we may be at Plan J or K by now. But it's just that...those are OUR plans and not His. Not His "A" plan.
We received some devastating news today. We ended up at Mayo today as Mom's double vision has gotten worse. They did a spinal tap and the results are showing there is cancer in her spinal fluid as well as this same fluid that bathes the brain. Ugh. I cannot believe I am writing this in regards to my beautiful mom.
What does this mean? It means that the cancer is spreading. Has spread. Again. We are still praying for the miracle of immunotherapy to do something. If God wants to perform a miracle. He can.
So now what...
We will go again next week to Mayo to have another round of immunotherapy. And talk with moms main doc there too.
We cannot live these days curled up in the fetal position sobbing can we? That's what I want to do.
Here is what I am telling myself. This world is a blink of an eye. God tells us that. This world is NOT our eternal home. This is earth. Earth and this world are full of sin, sickness and yuck. Heaven is not. Eternity with Jesus is not. We need to place our focus on that. The time we are apart from Mom will not be forever. Selfishly it's too long for me. I want to have my mom by my side when I die. But. That being said. We have to focus on the forever Jesus promises us.
John 14:1-7
1“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God ; believe also in me. 2My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Jesus the Way to the Father
5Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
6Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”
I have to focus on His promise of forever. And trust that we believe in Him and have confessed with our mouths that Jesus is lord we will live forever in heaven as healed children of God. Together. Forever.
I have to believe in this. This was not our plan. And I don't understand God's plan. And I certainly think it stinks right now and it hurts. And it makes me so very angry. But I have to believe that God is using Mom's cancer story for someone who needs it. God is using our family and our faith for something bigger. Maybe it's for a loved one of ours to see gods love through us. And maybe we will never know. But He knows
I have to believe all of this and I have to believe in the power of healing and eternal life.
Every day is to be enjoyed. Every moment. Mom is so so so so very much loved. Don't get me wrong we are still praying on our knees for that miracle. That Mom will be that one miracle. And I won't stop praying this until Jesus heals her on earth or in heaven. We ask you to do the same.
Pray for mom. Pray for dad. Pray for all of us. Pray for God's peace that surpasses all our understanding. Pray for precious moments and memories. Pray for comfort in God's promised words.
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