A Night to Shine: Part 1

I tried to start this blog post yesterday, and found myself still lacking the words to use to express myself.  I am trying again today, with my box of kleenex nearby just in case.  This may take a couple of posts for me to get my words out and pictures.

I feel like I have to back up before I share about the night itself.   I know I have shared on my blog before about my cousin Annette.  She is a HUGE part of who I am as a person.  We were close growing up...I probably didn't realize until I was 10 or so that she was any different than me.  And once I did understand that I feel like it made me more aware of her, and of loving her.  Our family all loved Annette with great passion.  All of the cousins let her go first, let her win, let her be the princess of every holiday...it was our joy to allow her those moments.  We were, after all, a family.  That is what you do.  And many of us were very close in age...and we knew Annette was extra special!  We all teased each other in fun, and joked a lot, but at the end of the day...Annette was ours and we all knew that and appreciated that.  We were kind of a team.

Fast forward to college, I knew I wanted to be a teacher from a young age...and then when it was time to think about what kind of teacher...I knew Special Education was the place for me.  It was something I knew, something I was comfortable with...something that didn't intimidate me like it did others.  That was an easy decision.

Fast forward to my Love...and watching his relationship with Annette grow...from "He's too old dump him"...her first words to me upon meeting him Spring of 1994.... to..."so am I in the wedding or not" in the fall of 1994 when we were just engaged.  Of course she was in the wedding...she just had to decide what she wanted to do.  So "Bridesmaid of Honor" it was...tailored to exactly what she wanted for the day.  "I want to look like a bridesmaid, I want the dress, the jewelry, the flowers but I want Scott to walk me in and I want to sit with my Mom and Dad'.  Yep, we can do that Annette, easy.

To say Annette holds a special place in my heart is an understatement.  She has molded my heart in ways that no one else on this earth could have.  She has inspired me and shaped me.  She has shown me God given gifts that I may never have discovered without loving her.  There is huge place in my heart for her...always has been, and always will be.  So when I heard our church was going to host a Prom for adults with special needs....I was ALL over calling to see if she could come.  Thank the Lord for people like Tim Tebow and his foundation that realized that this night, " A Night to Shine", could fill a spot in so many peoples lives.  NOT just the person with special needs...but their families too.  What a gift for everyone.  

Annette and I have been talking for months about this event.  We have texted and texted again about the details...I have answered questions...we had it all researched out.  We were prepared for a fun Prom.  But nothing could have prepared me for that day...for the amount of love and joy my  heart would feel.  My heart hurt...in a good way...but it felt like it was going to burst.

It started with leaving the house.  We had to be at church by 3 to make all of the "appointments' with the hair and make up people.  Annette was nervous and eating tums.  I was excited and eating tums.  As much as we had planned for this night...it was here and there was a buzz in the air.  I pulled Jack and Max out of school because they didn't want to miss seeing her get all dolled up.  They weren't old enough to go to the dance so this was the most they could be a part of.  

First it was hair...a side pony was suggested by her stylist and was a perfect plan with the hair clip that her Mom had found that had rhinestones in it.  

Then onto make up...where Annette warned the lady she may steal her blue eye shadow she liked it so much.  When she looked into the mirror at the end she said "I just went from normal to beautiful"...how do you think my tears did?  The smile on her face could have lit up the town.  And we didn't even have the dress on yet.  

Onto the bathroom to change...and then my "ugly" cry about came....to see her all done up, this dress I had seen photos of on...it was all I could handle.  I don't have any daughters, but I can imagine this is the exact feeling you would have on your daughter's wedding day.  To see her feeling so beautiful, and so excited about an event.  And knowing how special she felt...that heart of mine grew and nearly burst, again. 

I had the privilege of putting on her shoes for her as she sat down...the bathroom had a stool that she sat upon.   I felt like I was with Cinderella at the ball.  I could think of all of those times where Annette may not have felt a part of things, where she missed events other kids and young adults attended...and in the placing of those shoes that all was washed away in my mind.  And I knew it was going to be like that for every single person attending the Prom that evening.  This was THEIR time to SHINE!  I realized the name of this Prom, "A Night to Shine" was just perfect.

We walked down the hallways of church while people oohed and ahhed over Annette, her dress, her hair...and she was shining!   Absolutely shining!  We waited for her escorts to come...and they came with flowers and sparkle. 

....to be continued

Repentance: Walking in Obedience

Repentance (3 of 3): Walking in Obedience

Text: John 14:15-21, Deuteronomy 5:33, James 4:7-10, 2 John 1:6 Growing up in the religious South, I’ve too often thought of faith as one of those moving walkways in the airport. The point was not the walking or the journey along the way; the point was getting to the destination—heaven. Or, to put it bluntly, not hell. Being a Christian meant picking the correct lane and facing the correct direction. No deviating to the left or right, no passing Go or collecting $200. No obvious need for a Savior or real understanding of grace. Just a beeline for the pearly gates, with a little tithing and a lot of church attendance thrown in for good measure. Aren’t you thankful Jesus didn’t come to give us empty religion? He came to give us Himself. The invitation Christ extends is an invitation to a relationship with Him. Repentance is not a box we check so that we end up on the right side of eternity; repentance is an everyday event, a manifestation of an ongoing relationship with God. We turn from our sin and turn to God, and we walk with Him. The turning is the first step, but the walking is a continuous motion. And, contrary to what we may fear, it is not something we do on our own. The night before Jesus was crucified, He sat with His disciples around a table and said to them, “If you love Me, you will keep My commands” (John 14:15). Those twelve men could not have known the full weight of Jesus’ statement at the time, but in hindsight, we can see just how hard that would be. Like them, you and I know how difficult it is to walk steadily in the way of Christ. We know how often we fall, just like Adam and Eve and every generation after them fell, and just like the imperfect disciples sitting around that table. When we hear “if you love Me, you will keep my commands,” we may wonder if we do. We aren’t perfect. That’s why the perfect Savior came. Jesus came to give the Father glory and to give us Himself. And what He gave, the world could not take away. They took His life, but He gave us His Spirit. They buried Him in the ground, but He rose out of that grave and later into the heavens, where He lives so we might also live (John 14:16,19). Yes, Christ calls us to walk in obedience and love, but we do not walk alone. “I will not leave you as orphans,” Jesus said to the disciples that day. “I am coming to you” (John 14:18). Our command-keeping is not about proving to Christ that we belong to Him. It is what happens when we are His. When we repent of our sin and turn to God, we receive the Holy Spirit as His never-leaving, always-living gift to us. “He is the Spirit of truth”—a Spirit the world cannot receive or understand, a Spirit that teaches and reminds us of the things of Christ (John 14:17,26). He is our Helper, our Counselor.  With hearts so prone to wander, we may be tempted to stand still in our fear or uncertainty. But repentance is not a passive position; it is an active and humble pursuit. It is turning from sin, turning to God, and walking in obedience—all by the grace and mercy of a good Father who loves His children.

Repentance: Turning to God

Repentance (2 of 3): Turning to God

Text: Joel 2:13, 2 Chronicles 7:13-14, John 1:19-34, 2 Corinthians 7:8-10 I am the human mama to a baby puppy and, so far, things aren’t going so great. A dog trainer told us, when Pup was a mere eight weeks old, that we had only one job when it came to training a dog this young: teach him to come when we call his name. “No problem!” we said, and the trainer went on her way. Well.  It’s been almost eight weeks since then, and if Pup has run off from us once, he’s run off from us a hundred times. It sounded simple in theory: preoccupy him with something, call his name, and give huge praise and a treat or two when he comes running. We’ve tried this, really we have, but do you know what our problem is? Consistency. I use his name for other things like, “Pup! Don’t chew on that!” or “Pup! Stop biting me!” or “Pup! No peeing on the floor!” And I’m not too keen on the idea of toting rewards around with me at all times like a walking dog treat dispenser. Like I said, things aren’t going so great. And it isn’t the pup’s fault; it’s mine. That adorable, stubborn animal won’t come when I call because I haven’t given him much reason to. Obviously, this analogy can’t go much further. You and I aren’t dogs, and our heavenly Father certainly isn’t a lazy, annoyed pet owner. But as silly as it sounds, I can see myself in that puppy when he’s looking back at me, the moment of decision in his eyes, trying to decide whether to respond to his master’s call or ignore it. (And lately, he ignores it.) Repentance is not just turning away from something (our sin); it is turning to Someone (our God). Recognizing and acknowledging our sin is critical, but that is not repentance in full. With the turning away, there must be a turning to. In his second letter to the early Corinthian church, Paul admits that he caused them grief with his first letter and that he wasn’t sorry about that. Because the grief they felt over their sin was appropriate grief—Paul called it “godly grief”—and it turned them to repentance. It turned them back to God. The God whom the Corinthian believers turned to nearly two millennia ago is the same God who invites us to turn to Him today. We don’t have to wonder if He is trustworthy or consistent, if He’ll do what He says He will do. Like them, we can look to His Word and to His Son to see exactly who He is.  When I want to know who it is I’m running to, I open my Bible. I read about the God who created mankind in love and then pursued them when they turned away, bridging the gap between their sinfulness and His holiness at His own unfathomable cost.  I read the stories of the God who never once violated His covenant to His people, despite generations of their broken promises to Him.  I read about the life of the God incarnate who entered this broken world by His own choosing, embodying love, justice, mercy, and hope as He walked among the seeking and the sick, the prideful and the weary.  When I read about this God, I see in black and white that what the prophet Joel said was, and still is, true: “He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love” (Joel 2:13). He is the God who hears, forgives, and heals (2 Chronicles 7:14). When I turn from my sin only to turn to myself or to the world, I feel distraught and paralyzed. It can truly seem like there is no way out of the death all around me. But when I turn from my sin to look at the cross—when I turn my eyes to “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world” (John 12:29)—I have life. Turning from my sin to myself brings despair, but turning from my sin to God in repentance brings “seasons of refreshing” (Acts 3:19). Friend, our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He calls us by name and is pleased to receive us, to wash us clean, and to bring abundant, everlasting life to our souls.  God stands ready to show you mercy (Isaiah 30:18). Turn to Him today.

Repentance

Text: Joel 2:12, Psalm 51:1-19, Acts 3:19-20, 2 Peter 3:8-9

One of the things I love most about Lent is its honesty. 

This is not Christmas, where we deck the halls in red and green and pretty up our lives with twinkle lights and shiny bows. This is not the moment to don our Sunday best, to be as pulled together and ironed out as we know how to be. It is not for covering ourselves up, either in our overconfident armor or in blankets of shame. Lent is the opposite of that. 

Lent is the time we let down the mask and reveal lines of sadness on tired faces underneath. Lent is the time we let our legs give way in their weakness and let our best efforts crumble to the floor in a heap. Lent is the time where we stop pretending and start confessing. It is a sober yet hopeful path to the heart of the heavenly Father, who “is patient with [us], not wanting any to perish” (2 Peter 3:8-9). And it all begins with a turning. 

Lent begins at repentance.  

The word “repent” as it is used in the New Testament comes from the Greek word metanoeō, which means to change one’s mind, to turn from sin. “Repent and turn back,” Peter said to the crowd at the temple, after the lame man went out healed and leaping, “so that your sins may be wiped out” (Acts 3:19). 

Not “repent and do better” or “repent and save yourself,” but repent and turn back. Repent and turn to Jesus.

Since we’re touting honesty here, can I honestly tell you that sometimes I’d rather not? Turn back, that is. When I do, I must see my sin for what it is—a stain I can never remove on my own. It is an offense to the God who has loved me faithfully from before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4-5). It is a stripe on the back of the Son who took the guilt of that very offense upon Himself and suffered in my place (Isaiah 53:5). To turn back means acknowledging that. 

The sinful place where I stand—a place that is not God-honoring or God-facing, a place that does not acknowledge that God is God and I and the world are not—is a place I can get comfortable in if I let myself. The sights and sounds grow familiar, and I become accustomed to the view. I decide I’ll clean up the mess myself, and I refuse to turn back until I’m finished. 

To turn may be simple, but it is not easy. The prophet Joel understood this. He described turning from sin as an emotionally laden event, accompanied by signs of deep sorrow and utter dependance. “Turn to Me with all your heart,” he said, acting as a spokesperson from God to His people (Joel 2:12). You and I have seen the dark corners of our hearts, so we question the invitation.

But questioning the invitation means questioning the love of our God. Leaving our feet stuck in the mire of sin means refusing the finished work of our Savior.

The Lord who calls us to repent and turn with all our hearts already knowsour hearts. He stands ready to forgive, to remove our armor and our masks and clothe us with His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). He invites us to come quickly and honestly, with no hope other than Him. He invites us to turn from our sin, even when the turning itself is a struggle.

Lent is not for dressing up our sin in an effort to make it look less like sin, or succumbing to the despair that we’ll never get it right. Lent is for turning away from sin altogether. Lent is for stripping ourselves bare and standing uncovered before the God who made us, who knows and loves us fully, to say,  I’m here, Lord, under all my disguises. 

I’m still the sinner you rescued, a sinner who is nothing without you. O Lord, rescue me still.

Iowa Energy

A couple of weeks ago Scott got Monsanto tickets to the Iowa Energy basketball game.  The big 3 all had other plans that night but Max wanted to go...so Scott invited one of Max's buddies and his Dad to the game.

They happened to be playing the Cleveland Cavs "D team" (I think it's called) so the uniforms looked just like the Cavs...Max was thrilled.

Smiles and Truths

These all have brought smiles to my face the past couple of weeks...they have been sent on to different friends and family members who I thought would appreciate the truth in them.

Set 16 extra places Mom...

Monday night was one of the Varsity boys basketball team dinners, we signed up long ago to host it here.  I believe they have 3 of them a season.  When we signed up I figured February was a long ways off and picked the last one.  That was before we had to do some juggling so now Scott was out of town to St Louis for work and I was home prepping to make and serve dinner to 16 extra boys.  Nothing to it right?

Mom's spaghetti and meatball recipe to the rescue.  I made 8 lbs of meatballs.  About 10 cans of tomato sauce and lots of secret spice ingredients and voila.  Dinner was on its way to being prepared. Bought 3 extra gallons of milk, 3 gallons of ice cream and lots of toppings to boot.  Another Mom from the team offered to bring salad and bread and we were good to go.

About 5:45 pm the boys started piling in from practice and they were grateful and thankful for a home cooked meal.  Some even asked me to email their moms the spaghetti sauce recipe. I believe it was a HIT!  And the ice cream sundae bar...easy and also a big hit!

Oh did I mention Jack and Max were both home sick too...nice addition huh?  Ran Jack to the Dr midmorning to find he had strep and Max was recuperating from the stomach flu on Sunday.  Sure hope none of the boys took home the bugs with them...

What a privilege to be able to host this group of players and managers.  Such kind and polite boys.  They stayed around after dinner and played some video games and pool in the basement.  Around 9:30 the last of them were kicked out.  :)

Great memories being made...

Senior Night

A LOT has happened since I last blogged, more on that later.  But this morning I write about Senior Night.  Last night was "Senior Night" for the basketball players.  I have watched Tommy play basketball for SO long.  It all started with our Little Tikes hoop that he loved and played on day in and day out from the time he could walk.  He has always loved basketball.  And he is beginning to wrap up his official basketball playing days.  I know he will always play basketball, intra murals or pick up basketball..he loves it...but his official practices and teams are ending.

It should make me more emotional than I am.  For some reason, this senior year stuff hasn't made me a weepy mess.  I guess I just feel he is ready.  I have peace about his future and I feel like he is following God's will for his life.  So the closure on these moments feels natural to me.

If I am really honest I am done with the "political" side of basketball, the playing time, the coaches not doing things the way I would prefer them to be done and I am not just talking about Tommy...just in general coaching.  I don't like all of that "stuff".  That part of organized sports I am done with for him.  I see that part of him being done as well.

I am thrilled he has played basketball.  I am thrilled it has been a sport he has loved so much.  I am so grateful for his health and abilities God has given to him.  It has brought him friends he wouldn't have had.  It has taught him lessons in life he wouldn't have learned otherwise.  It has kept him focused on healthy things.  I am grateful.

So last night was senior night.  Where we walked center court with him while they read a blurb about him, and his future plans.  All I could do was smile.  I also kept telling him I was going to kiss him.  Telling him I love him so very much.  He really loved that.  And guess what....I did kiss him right at the end.  Ahh the joys of a Mom who smothers you with love no matter how old you get or how tall you grow.

The senior poster...3 managers and 4 players all graduating

this is my kiss warning and he is asking his Dad to save him...nope NOT a chance.  I wish I had a pic of the kiss...but alas none.

after the game...

What a whirlwind

Last I wrote I was getting ready to head to Mayo to meet Mom and Dad for some appointments for Mom.  To say it was an amazing experience is an understatement...2 days of appointments with some great doctors and results.  Confidence that they could reach these tumors in her liver with the ablation process and zap them.  Reassurance that there wasn't other cancer that could be seen.  And doctors who assured us there are so many options for Mom and SO MUCH HOPE!  A big THANK YOU LORD for all of this.  It was a whirlwind of 2 days of appointments and tests and lots of things to keep straight in our minds...it takes a team to keep track of it all.  They said they could get her in Monday for the ablation surgery.  So off I went home to Waukee and Mom and Dad to Eden Prairie....

A short weekend at home, filled with basketball, a sick Drew and organizing to leave again for me.  Scott juggled his week as needed as well.  What a GUY!  And off I went again on Sunday afternoon to meet Mom and Dad at the hotel Sunday night.

Monday morning surgery was EARLY and I don't think any of us slept much the night before.  I am going to copy and paste in the Caring Bridge updates into this blog...

Monday...

It has been a long day. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am. Mom did not get to her room until 4:30 pm. A long day for her.  


The good news is that the Dr feels confident he treated these lesions or tumors in her liver. We knew there were 2 he was going after and thanks to his diligence he searched high and low while he was in there and did find one more small one. He zapped it as well. In his words he left the liver without seeing any remaining disease. We loved hearing that.  


During the procedure she did have some bleeding near the liver site which we knew was highly possible. They wanted to be sure it wasn't anything major so they added in an extra procedure of an angiogram through her leg. They checked all of her arteries and found them all lovely.  


So due to her "bonus" surgery she ended up under anesthesia for a pretty long time. They also added in some blood and platelets while she was out to be sure she would be strong when she awoke. Her body was needing a little bit of a boost. 


She is awake now, sort of, and we are doing our best to treat her as a queen. Feeding her delicacies like jello, crushed ice and applesauce.  


We are grateful for all of your prayers. We feel really good about today. We will be here for a couple of days while we get mom rested and healed. Thank you for caring so much. 
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Tuesday...

I did not post on Caring Bridge on Tuesday.  It was more of the same of Monday.  Mom not feeling well.  Trying to wean from oxygen with no help.  The finding fluid in her lungs from a chest X-ray earning us more hospital time.  

Dad and I spent the day with mom, talking with doctors and trying to find some food that tastes decent.  You would think at Mayo clinic their cafeteria would be stellar...not so much.  
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Wednesday...

I'm writing again from the 5th floor of St. Mary's hospital in Rochester, we have a great view of snow, and our hotel. We are still here, we are on a roll of "bonus" issues that keep us here.  


Mom has added in a little fluid in her lungs and some oxygen needs that are earning her extra nights in room 300. Nothing major but just enough to keep us here. We are grateful for close monitoring by the Mayo staff and discovering these things before we leave. 


She is smiling and mostly listening to what is asked of her. Dad is doing well too. He may have had a good nap today in the waiting room. A well deserved nap, and I may have photo proof of that as well. 


I need to share a neat story from today. Dad came up in the elevator earlier today and saw a sign for a bake sale on the ground floor that was a benefit for a young woman with cancer. He told me about it and I headed down to check it out. It was in the basement of the hospital. Not subway level but basement. It was being held by the custodial staff of mayo. The girl is the daughter of one of the staff electricians here. And his peers baked all sorts of things to help raise money for his daughter who has been fighting cancer. There were about 10 custodial workers manning the tables in one of their storage rooms. It touched my heart. These are the kinds of people that work in this wonderful place. Caring, loving, help your friend kind of people. Taking time to bake and sell items for a coworkers daughter. Dad had to go down after I came back. It was something you couldn't miss being a part of and it put a smile on our face. 


Know we are feeling your prayers. We appreciate them so very much. Keep praying for healing. The procedure we came here for is showing stellar results on all scans. And a special thanks for those of you who are helping out with my people at home...I married well.
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Thursday....


We are all back in our nests. I'm back in Waukee and Mom and Dad are pulling into Eden Prairie right about now. Mom was released from the hospital around 4 yesterday.  


Mom and Dad opted to spend the night in a hotel to be sure they were well rested before heading home. 3 nights in a hospital bed for Mom and Dad in a hospital roll away makes for some tired out people. 53 years of marriage and Dad sleeps right by Mom's bed. There's a lot of beauty in that to me...holding hands across the beds all night long. That's love. 


Thank you for praying. We will have some follow up appointments later this month and will let you know when we find any news out. We are grateful for a successful surgery and for all of the people at mayo. 

God has heard all of our prayers and we are so thankful.
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Before I left Thursday Dad went and got me a gift in one of the gift shops.  It was ALL I could do not to break down into a pile of tears as he shared it with me.  He told me, before I opened it, that it was was to represent how I encircle Mom and him in love, prayers and care all the time.  After what had been nearly a week of Mayo appointments, surgeries and procedures this was how he honored me.  How blessed am I to have THIS man as my Dad?  He gets it.  He completely gets it.  I continue to tell him he does NOT need to thank me, that I will always be there to advocate for both of them, that I am the ONE that owes them.  Yet, he wrote me beautiful words in a card and topped it off with this necklace. I will always treasure it, and him and Mom.    

I came back home on Thursday night!  So good to be home.  The house was clean, the laundry done...I don't know how Scott does it all while working his job too.  I am so grateful to him for ALL he does so that I can be with Mom and Dad when I need to be.  He GETS it...he GETS me.  He told one of the boys this week that one of the reasons I go to be with Grandma is I make her feel safe and loved.  He is the one who makes me feel safe and loved.  I KNOW that when I am gone he will do whatever he needs to to make home work without me.  He NEVER ever complains about me being gone, never asks me to come home, never tells me anything other than I am RIGHT WHERE I NEED TO BE and to STAY AS LONG AS I NEED to.  It matters who you marry and times like this I love him more and more and more for letting me do what I need to do.  We are teaching our boys so much about life, love and honor through all of this...

It is good to be home....